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Grace
Joined: 28 May 2006 Posts: 302 Location: Bristol
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Posted: Thu Feb 15, 2007 5:24 pm Post subject: Life at Midnight |
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A life at midnight:
Blue just a four letter word
In Braille beneath the fingers
Which have seen more life
Than the eyes designed to guide them.
Every sound an encyclopaedia;
Knowledge imparted by the
Groan of tired floorboards,
Under leather boots that creak
Or the soft whisper of silk slippers.
Each small song a symphony
Of raw emotion, bleeding into the air.
The scent of a rose a paradise
Enfolded in the damp velvet
Of trembling petals,
With no idea of redness to distort it.
What tragedy a life at midnight
When clear laughter tells a smile,
Cold roughness is the grating speech of stone
And roses smell sweeter in darkness? _________________ Taking off is optional, landing is mandatory. |
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dragonkillernz
Joined: 09 Oct 2004 Posts: 365 Location: New Zealand
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Posted: Fri Feb 16, 2007 2:24 am Post subject: |
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Well, it's pretty easy to see what this is about, and I think it's great. I especially like the line:
Quote: | Each small song a symphony |
_________________ Ian Fulguirinas(dragonkillernz) |
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Grace
Joined: 28 May 2006 Posts: 302 Location: Bristol
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Posted: Fri Feb 16, 2007 8:46 am Post subject: |
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Thanks for reading. _________________ Taking off is optional, landing is mandatory. |
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Drizzt
Joined: 07 Mar 2005 Posts: 1081 Location: Easington, UK
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Posted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 1:51 am Post subject: |
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I like the last verse. Sums up everything the poem is saying, especially the last line. Very good! More please! _________________ Pagan Music |
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Grace
Joined: 28 May 2006 Posts: 302 Location: Bristol
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Posted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 3:46 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks Drizzle. *rubs eyes* Tu voudrai PLUS? _________________ Taking off is optional, landing is mandatory. |
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Kerela
Joined: 10 Sep 2005 Posts: 372 Location: Germany
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Posted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 3:53 pm Post subject: |
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I also like it, especially the 2nd verse ist beautiful. _________________ The question that sometimes drives me hazy: Am I, or the others crazy?
Albert Einstein |
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Grace
Joined: 28 May 2006 Posts: 302 Location: Bristol
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Posted: Tue Feb 20, 2007 5:45 pm Post subject: |
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Thank you!
Kudos on your translted work on the poetry thread. It's great, and I'm amazed you managed to translate it. _________________ Taking off is optional, landing is mandatory. |
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James Site Admin
Joined: 26 Aug 2004 Posts: 479 Location: United Kingdom
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Posted: Tue Feb 20, 2007 5:53 pm Post subject: |
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It's a lovely poem, Grace. Full of emotional colour.
Might I make just one suggestion? I'd take the word Braille out. There is plenty in the poem to tell us it concerns blindness.
A line like:
'Spelled out by trembling fingers' or something like that. Hell, I'm no poet. I'm sure you can do much better.
Just my tuppence. Wish I could write verse like that.
James _________________ 'A human with a hand outstretched in friendship carries the fangs of a taipan in his palm.' A TaiGethen saying. |
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Grace
Joined: 28 May 2006 Posts: 302 Location: Bristol
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Posted: Tue Feb 20, 2007 5:56 pm Post subject: |
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*blushes*
Thanks James, that means a lot. _________________ Taking off is optional, landing is mandatory. |
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