James Barclay

[Lizzy]

Today I went for a walk with some friends and a pack of kids across Exmoor to a pub for lunch, and rather fine it was too. Rounded off by the story of the Headmistress and the mouse:

The junior school was playing in a rugby tournament in the local town so Mum packs Tom off to school armed with rugby kit, she put his *new* secondhand boots in the bag and wondered vaguely about the white cat hair around them.

At the tournament Tom is having some trouble getting on his *new* boots so the Headmistress helps him. They seem a bit tight. Tom starts off with the warm up but his left boot really is uncomfortable so he goes and asks the Headmistress if she can help.

The Head takes off the boot, tips it up, nothing comes out, so she puts her hand in

"arrrrrrgggghhhhh" out comes hand with mouse attached to end of finger!

Head flicks hand, mouse flies off onto rugby pitch much to the delight if 6 school rugby teams. Head ends up going to hospital !

Mum at home wonders why she got a strange txt saying 'mouse not appreciated'

You really couldn't have made that one up
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Listen to Lizzy, she's always right! as said by Jovial

[Drizzt]

Nice one Lizzy. Here's one from 'World Soccer Magazine', latest issue...

A football fan in Buenos Aires, Argentina, went to a tattooist to have the emblem of his favourite club, Boca Juniors, tattooed onto his back. Boca Juniors have a fierce rivalry in Buenos Aires with another team, River Plate.

Unbeknownst to our football fan, the tattooist was a River Plate fan, and even more foolishly he forgot to inspect his back after it was finished. Only when he got hom did his family explain, to his horror, that where a nice, colourful Boca emblem should be, a large picture of a man's penis was visible.

Said tattooist is being sued.
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Pagan Music

[Helix]

@above: lol

mine: hmmm, i have many...my favourite:

A friend of mine who shall remain nameless (coughRyancough) plays for many ice-hockey teams. His local team arranged a match with another team, I think it was based in Manchester whom they bear a huge grudge against.

Ryan doesn't know who they are playing, having forgotten to check the fixtures. The opposing side are the team he bailed out on to play this match, who also don't know he plays for other teams. Cue big fight on the rink and me lmao.
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The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.

check out my poetry (link below):
http://www.jamesbarclay.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=579